Saturday, September 30, 2006
=( 算了吧
There is no more tomorrow, for you wouldn't know if I am still alive for the next moment......
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Meaningless
I am always forgotten, abondoned, neglected, unwanted......I don't know what happened, have I done anything wrong? Can anyone tell me?
一切已成泡影, 我只能凭空仔细嘴嚼回味
I am scared of everything now...imagining projects cannot be done on time, cannot be finished, cannot be done well, imagining that I am going to fail all exams in future, cannot graduate from uni, losing everything, be it in school or personal life......Just find that it is really meaningless for me to continue living......I don't want to have this kind of scary thoughts anymore......People around will also think I am crazy to be thinking of such things and get sian of consoling me or listening to me......
一切已成泡影, 我只能凭空仔细嘴嚼回味
I am scared of everything now...imagining projects cannot be done on time, cannot be finished, cannot be done well, imagining that I am going to fail all exams in future, cannot graduate from uni, losing everything, be it in school or personal life......Just find that it is really meaningless for me to continue living......I don't want to have this kind of scary thoughts anymore......People around will also think I am crazy to be thinking of such things and get sian of consoling me or listening to me......
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
My Wishes......
I have 2 wishes, going to taiwan and taking cruise with my friends. They have been my wishes for a long time, but I still do not have a chance to make them come true to date.
Before this one-week break, my best friends and I actually decided to go taiwan. But sadly our decision came too late. We didn't manage to book the tickets at promotional fare for this period. Feeling so disappointed now. Yesterday, my dear ex-colleagues from T3Rd asked me to join their taiwan trip in coming Dec to enjoy christmas and new year countdown there! Wow, I became so excited, kept asking them about the details. I was still thinking about it today ans was about to inform them that I confirm going, something suddenly strike me! I totally forget about my bf's birthday which is on 30th Dec!!!!!!! Oh no, how can I forget that, he will kill me if I never celebrate his birthday with him and go away for holiday!!!!!!!!! So how now? Do I have to miss another chance again? Or do I leave taiwan alone earlier than the others without counting down for new year? Hmm....still thinking of the solution. Any idea?
As for the cruise, I don't know when I can go too. I browse through the brochures and all cruises look expensive to me. Anyone sponsor? hahahahaha
Before this one-week break, my best friends and I actually decided to go taiwan. But sadly our decision came too late. We didn't manage to book the tickets at promotional fare for this period. Feeling so disappointed now. Yesterday, my dear ex-colleagues from T3Rd asked me to join their taiwan trip in coming Dec to enjoy christmas and new year countdown there! Wow, I became so excited, kept asking them about the details. I was still thinking about it today ans was about to inform them that I confirm going, something suddenly strike me! I totally forget about my bf's birthday which is on 30th Dec!!!!!!! Oh no, how can I forget that, he will kill me if I never celebrate his birthday with him and go away for holiday!!!!!!!!! So how now? Do I have to miss another chance again? Or do I leave taiwan alone earlier than the others without counting down for new year? Hmm....still thinking of the solution. Any idea?
As for the cruise, I don't know when I can go too. I browse through the brochures and all cruises look expensive to me. Anyone sponsor? hahahahaha
Monday, September 25, 2006
A Narrow Escape?......
Today something which has never happened to me before happened. When I was taking escalator down from clementi mrt platform to the gate, it suddenly stopped halfway!!!!! I was not holding onto the handrail lor, with one hand holding my bag and the other using my handphone, intending to call my friend. I got shocked, but luckily I never roll down the escalator and die. If not, I would not be able to write my blog here. However on the pessimistic side, why didn't I roll down and just die?I don't mind, but my friend said that I will leave behind alot of people feeling sad. Hmm...I wonder if anyone will really get sad when I die...ha...
HATE
I hate being sapped......I can't take it anymore......I hate the book......I hate it for teaching me what is sapped......I always get sapped ever since I read the book......I think it is cursed......
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Individualist VS Collectivist
Thanks all peeps for consoling me and giving me advice on how to be less stressful. I understand why you all asked me to learn to work in groups and share the workload among all members, which I am still not very used to. It is not that I look down on anyone thinking that only I have the ability to complete every piece of work. Honestly I might have thought in this way last time, but not now as I don't have the power to finish everything anymore. However, I admit that I am more an individualist (though I am not born in western countries haha) and feel that group discussion is not effective after all. I am also a perfectionist in school work, which explains why I am so concerned and anxious to the extent that I always want to finish the work alone first and place all burden all my shoulders, without waiting for others. You all may think that I am being selfish and that I won't survive like this in Uni, but I am juz worried, due to the fact that project discussions are not useful at all. For instance, we have been discussing econs tut for so long yesterday, from 2 plus in the afternoon to the time I left (around 7pm) but we only merely touched on 1 or 2 questions. Furthermore during the entire discussion, only those who were concerned would discuss and think of answer together, while those who were not concerned just chit chat most of the time. I guess most of you think that we must have group meeting as it is fair, in the sense that "everyone discuss and do work together". But to me, the fact is the meetings have been so ineffective, looking at our rate of doing work, which I can't tolerate anymore. It would have been so much efficient to break down the questions and all of us do it in pairs, at least. Of course, if I have the ability like last time, I would have called the meeting a day and finish the work all on my own, since not everyone is discussing and helping. Now you may see why I am so intolerant of group discussion and always want to do work on my own. As for now, I feel so stress because I don't have the ability to finish the work on my own (I don't know some of the questions as well) but it makes me heartache to see the rate we are doing things in group. So peeps, it is very hard for you all to persuade me that I should relax and let go and learn to work together so that I can survive in uni and stop feeling stress, unless you all can prove to me that we can finish our work efficiently in group one day.
i am missing you......
i am missing you......
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Stress Faced by ME...A Taurean
Today I read "My Paper" and found one article talking about stress faced by people of different horoscope and why. The first thought in my mind: It's a right time for me to read this! It describes me, a taurean, as follows:
当发生令金牛座想破头却想不通的问题时, 就会让金牛座感到压力重重. 有自我压抑倾向的金牛座没有办法忍受别人在旁边不断催促, 需要时间好好地思考, 才能想的清楚.
当金牛座一个人不想和别人说话时, 正是牛儿受不了压力而钻牛角尖的征兆. 没有力气的金牛座, 压力一触即发.
What the above says is really accurate, especially the bold parts. I easily feel stressed when I don't know how to do something, thinking that I am becoming more stupid, and I don't feel like talking to people recently too. Is it silly to think that I am stupid?......
当发生令金牛座想破头却想不通的问题时, 就会让金牛座感到压力重重. 有自我压抑倾向的金牛座没有办法忍受别人在旁边不断催促, 需要时间好好地思考, 才能想的清楚.
当金牛座一个人不想和别人说话时, 正是牛儿受不了压力而钻牛角尖的征兆. 没有力气的金牛座, 压力一触即发.
What the above says is really accurate, especially the bold parts. I easily feel stressed when I don't know how to do something, thinking that I am becoming more stupid, and I don't feel like talking to people recently too. Is it silly to think that I am stupid?......
A Sigh of Relief......
I really feel relieved after submitting the email of resignation from the post of travel director to my chairman, though it has not been approved yet. I guess I break the record of resigning from the main committee just within a week after I have been given the post! I didn't want to project the image of being irresponsible to others, but I really can't help it. The problem is I am really stressed about school work now, and I am even more stressed after getting my job scope during the meeting on Tue night. The Travel Club also has a problem, they didn't inform me about all my future job scope during the interview, misleading me to think that it is not difficult to be in the main com. I felt so overwhelmed during the meeting! I am so stressed about school work already, you think I will still have time to lead the sub com and organise this and that? The idea is totally crazy to me, even though I really want to "beautify" my resume. So for now, I will just continue to be a normal member of the Video & Photography Committee and learning my favourite jazz dance and be very contented......
Friday, September 22, 2006
Recess break is Coming
Yeah...1 week recess break is coming! I hope I can slack, but there are quite many things that need to be done too:
Things I wanted to do:
Things I wanted to do:
- Going to Taipei with da jie and ken girl (Well too bad we decided too late and air tickets are sold out, so become a gone case)
- Going cycling with them at Pulau Ubin (Didn't manage to go with them the last time, I hope I can make it this time!)
- Going East Coast Park and KTV with Maayam peeps (Thanks u all for organising an outing in the East just for me!)
- Meeting my dear ex colleagues from T3Rd
- And of course, to meet my love ones :)
- Project meeting for SSB 2216
- Project meeting for MNO 1001
- Group discussion for econs homework
- Clear up tutorials and unread chapters
Thursday, September 21, 2006
SAPPED
ganna sapped again...hai
The Power of Group Discussion / Looking for Myself
I finally witnessed the power of group discussion today. It was not effectiveness of the group discussion, but the arguement which was involved. Maybe I shouldn't say it was an argument, but exchanging ideas in loud and fierce way (not me of course! haha). I admited that I don't like group discussion all along, ever since poly days. It is not really effective in completing a project and it will scare me when things like today happen. I, as a neutral party today (because I won't speak loudly to friends of course), got stunned during the meeting at first, and my face turned black and serious as I was disgusted by my group mate, whom I consider as one of my new best friends. Don't know why she suddenly behaved like that. The only thing that I was thinking at that moment was: I will go home and finish the report and powerpoint well myself, to shut all of your mouths and no more discussion and arguments next time! However, the sad thing is I am still unable to look for my old self, the me who could finish a group project which was meant for 5 persons and got A for the group. I don't know why I lost my power just like this, but I hope I can get it back soon. I will still work on this project on my own, hoping to see all of your mouths shut, eyes wide opened and get stunned. Hmph...haha
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Good Morning!
Its so early now and I am in school, feeling hungry...haha. I think I have strained my left foot on my way to school because I have been walking so fast, its feeling so stiff and painful now =(...Hope it get better later in the day
Friday, September 15, 2006
Zapp and Sapp
I keep getting zapped and sapped by him...can I know what he is thinking?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
haha pretty me
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I like these clothes of mine which I have bought recently! haha......they are quite expensive leh...but worth it la......
=)
I love u too......
Our Story......
相愛無夢 (電視劇"西關大少"主題曲)
跟你抱著 未等於愛上 不再抱著 未等於不想
你我在這分鐘 說過無緣再見 下秒鐘再湊巧碰上
*即使一起 貌合卻又神離 分隔兩地 日夜掛著愁眉
再各自結新歡 卻暗地拿你去比較現有的 始終偏袒你
#有心愛你卻愛不到 抱緊了你卻又未想終老
再等到與對方失散之後 就會知 原來誰最好
愛不到至會更想愛 抱緊了你我又無心裝載
我跟你也破不到 男與女之間 愛情的定數
一個過活 恨抱著情人 一對過活 又掛念誰人
到了話要分開 你我尚有惻隱 又再探聽對方新聞
跟你抱著 未等於愛上 不再抱著 未等於不想
你我在這分鐘 說過無緣再見 下秒鐘再湊巧碰上
*即使一起 貌合卻又神離 分隔兩地 日夜掛著愁眉
再各自結新歡 卻暗地拿你去比較現有的 始終偏袒你
#有心愛你卻愛不到 抱緊了你卻又未想終老
再等到與對方失散之後 就會知 原來誰最好
愛不到至會更想愛 抱緊了你我又無心裝載
我跟你也破不到 男與女之間 愛情的定數
一個過活 恨抱著情人 一對過活 又掛念誰人
到了話要分開 你我尚有惻隱 又再探聽對方新聞
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I realised the root of the problem......
I am feeling less stressed now I think. Looking at the situation with a clearer mind, I finally know the root of the problem. I just realise I am almost only stressed about Econs, while still barely able to cope other modules. Why am I only stressed by Econs? Well, my best module in poly was Econs. Getting a dist for every test and exam, having no problem in understanding it during lecture at all, and of course lecturers' help is very useful. Friends always ask me about Econs, in school or on phone, and I am able and willing to teach them.
Situation now: Cannot really understand well in lecture, need to ask others' for help on tutorial (when sometimes they can't help me too), think too simply for an answer to a question, not used to solving a question in mathematical way......
This is really demoralising, downgrading from an expert to an idiot......
人往往害怕从高处堕下,
只因害怕跌到了,
却无法自行爬起来
从新振作, 而是一蹶不振.
我也不例外.
我情愿一开始便做第二名,
至少我还有得到第一的希望,
得到第三也不会如此悲伤.
Situation now: Cannot really understand well in lecture, need to ask others' for help on tutorial (when sometimes they can't help me too), think too simply for an answer to a question, not used to solving a question in mathematical way......
This is really demoralising, downgrading from an expert to an idiot......
人往往害怕从高处堕下,
只因害怕跌到了,
却无法自行爬起来
从新振作, 而是一蹶不振.
我也不例外.
我情愿一开始便做第二名,
至少我还有得到第一的希望,
得到第三也不会如此悲伤.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Jazz Dance......
I have finally joined the jazz dance club in school formally, yeah! After having attended 2 lessons, I seriously think that I like jazz dance alot (to be accurate, I like most kinds of dance la, as long as is dancing). But the difficult part is that it requires one to have very flexible body (we need to shake the whole body lor haha) which I haven't really mastered yet. I hope I can dance very gracefully like the instructor soon :)
失踪行动已宣布终止, 因为我感到不舍.
你爱我吗? 你想我吗? 我害怕你会把我遗忘......
失踪行动已宣布终止, 因为我感到不舍.
你爱我吗? 你想我吗? 我害怕你会把我遗忘......
Friday, September 08, 2006
A running Day
Today is really a hectic day for me....running here and there on my way sch. 1st I ran from bus interchange to Mrt station, cos the coming train is only 1min and next train is 9min!!! no choice have to run...when i reached clementi, I was already quite late...I saw 96 was already there, so I started running from MRT escalator to bus interchange...hai I end up panting for whole morning, so unhealthy.
How I wish I don't live so far from school, I think I am the only one who keep running on my way school...when can I get used to this suffer?
How I wish I don't live so far from school, I think I am the only one who keep running on my way school...when can I get used to this suffer?
How I wish u are the one......
错的时间, 爱上对的人, 是一声叹息.
我只可默默地守护在他身旁, 不发一语
我只可默默地守护在他身旁, 不发一语
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Still Feeling Stressed......
I am still feeling stressed...lecturers do not exercise open door policy and afraid to have disputes with course/group mates next time when doing project.
I feel even more stressed now....when my mum told me that I should have self discipline and not to go out every sat with bf. And yet my bf will also stress me when I can't go out with him even for just one day in a week. Why am I so poor thing? I am not only pressurised by school work, but also from parents and bf. I mean of course I have self discipline, which is why I want to finish tutorial on weekdays and feel free to go out on saturdays. And yet my parents don't believe me...no one seem to be understanding and believing me. I really feel very helpless now. Why do I have so much more pressure as compared to others? Other parents are ok with their children having bf or gf, why can't mine understand?
Who can help me? I bet no one can. I can't help crying now, but who understand my problems?
I feel even more stressed now....when my mum told me that I should have self discipline and not to go out every sat with bf. And yet my bf will also stress me when I can't go out with him even for just one day in a week. Why am I so poor thing? I am not only pressurised by school work, but also from parents and bf. I mean of course I have self discipline, which is why I want to finish tutorial on weekdays and feel free to go out on saturdays. And yet my parents don't believe me...no one seem to be understanding and believing me. I really feel very helpless now. Why do I have so much more pressure as compared to others? Other parents are ok with their children having bf or gf, why can't mine understand?
Who can help me? I bet no one can. I can't help crying now, but who understand my problems?